Sorry for the crickets around here lately, and to those who are still tuning in and actually take the time to read my blog, Thank you I really appreciate it and hope all is well! I've been taking some time needed to gather my thoughts and actually write.
Things have been well lately, slow, but well. In fact things have been going pretty steady that it seems like not much has happened but now as I sit here writing I realized how much has actually happened. This time of year always seems to be a little hectic even though it feels as if not much is going on. But with that said it seems like its the calm before the storm. You know that feeling when things seem to be quite normal and out of nowhere something hits you and knocks you out of oblivion? Yeah, well thats what I'm feeling right now. It could be the fact that I'm overthinking things and hoping nothing goes wrong but it could also be the fact that I don't know what's next to come.
I promised that my blog would have little to no filter and that I would write about my experiences; at least I made that promise to myself. Well Im finally ready to clue you all in about an experience I had this time last year and how it's still affecting me today.
This time last year I was at home waiting for my best friend Denise to give me the green light if we were going to hang out later that night. I was anxious because I wanted to run an idea by her. It was a crazy idea and for a moment I was thinking of not even brining it to her attention because I thought she was going to think that I lost my mind completely. Mind you, prior to that day I told many other friends and classmates about this idea I had. They all gave me hopeful and realistic feedback. So of course the only feedback that really mattered to me was Denise's. You're probably wondering what I was thinking and why Denise's opinion would matter to me so much. Well hold on and bare with me for a bit. Lets backtrack a bit and lets take this all the way back to April, 2015:
During Spring break I took a trek to San diego (one of my favorite cities) with my best friend Denise and my dad. It was a weekend getaway but I was so excited to show Denise all my favorite things and places in that city. I'll try to make this short. We went to Little Italy for dinner on the first night and we took her to this really great Argentinian restaurant that we love and always seem to go back to.
Well after dinner we both wanted a night cap so naturally we looked up the nearest Cafe. We found one just down the street that was closing in the next 10 min so we walked there and I did not expect what was going to happen next. We walked into this little quirky cafe called caffe italia and I was basking everything all in. In the background Come and get your love was playing by Redbone. Shortly after, the runaways came on and instantly I knew it was the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack. So right when I put my focus on the menu, thats when he came out. Now to my close friends who are reading this you know who "he" is and for those who don't well lets just leave it at that because, well.. I don't have his permission to mention his name and also I want to respect his privacy. So right when he came out our eyes instantly met...and I swear I never believed in love at first sight until that very moment our eyes locked. I didn't know how to react but as soon as I distinguished the fact that he was actually looking at me I knew that I had to say something. So I started the conversation and it went on from there. It was closing time and we had to leave soon. He messed up my order so he made another one and as soon as we were about to leave he said " I messed up your order on purpose just so you can stay longer". I knew right then and there that I was in. But I knew that he was much older and mind you I was only 19 going on 20 at the time. I knew that I couldn't do much so I just dropped my name but no number. We left and sat across the street from the cafe and I could still see him inside. Denise even suggested that I should wait until he came out, but I knew that it wasn't the right time for us. So reality hit as we headed back home to LA and, hit me even more that I had to go back to school the very next day. Well, shortly after I put that memory behind me because I started dating one of my classmates from one of my Spring classes...you know who you are if you're reading this (Mannie) lol. I was happy and I was also enjoying our time together because it really was fun and we even became good friends. Anyways, we dated from June-October, but while we were dating I couldn't stop thinking about the guy from San Diego. (sorry I never told you Mannie) lol but its the truth. Well, when things ended with me and Mannie on October I was sad and a little disappointed but things started picking up for me shortly after. I was doing good in school and met so many great classmates and made new friends that I forgot all about my heartbreak. But then November hits, and I suddenly started thinking about the guy from San Diego; I mean I was thinking about him almost all the time since I met him but for some reason this time around I just had this crazy intuitional feeling that it was time for me to go back to San Diego. So back to this time last year I just had one more person to run this idea by and she was picking me up within the next few hours. We were sitting in her car and I just let it out and told her that I had this idea of going to San Diego in hopes of finding him again. One way or another I was determined to go looking for him. I was stunned when instantly she asked me "Well do you want to go?" followed by
"I know the perfect airbnb we can stay at". I was stunned because of all people I thought she was the one who was going to put me back into reality and tell me that I was completely delusional and insane to go all the way to San Diego just for a guy that I met once and briefly. But no, she was completely serious about what she said. And so we planned our trip to San Diego for December 12.
Today marks exactly a year that I made a decision that would bring forward the craziest experience/ memory I've ever had. I only chose to tell you the very beginning of it because as I said, I don't know what's next to come. And If I'm quite honest I'd rather leave it like this until something happens. Although me and the guy from San Diego aren't on speaking terms, I still think of him almost everyday, even though I hate to admit it to myself and to those who are reading. But he left such an impact on me and my life and left me with the most beautiful memory that I've ever had to this date. In fact it was such an impact that it led me to believe that he was the one. I wish him all the best and hope he's doing well. Even though I refuse to think that this is the end for us, it seems like it just might be. It's crazy to think that I'm here writing about this one year later because I never pictured it would be like this. I never knew what was coming for me shortly after I planned the trip, but looking back it just makes me smile to think that what was coming for me was nothing but pure happiness and the most interesting chapter of my life to date. I'm still smiling thinking about all the love that would eventually fill my heart shortly after that trip.
Mannie and I are still good friends and we talk a lot still (more like debate actually) lol but we had a conversation just yesterday and it basically led to us talking about the over all subject of relationships, honesty, and what the opposite sex is doing wrong in some cases/situations. I basically argued that guys just seem to waste girls time when they're both looking for something different. He then said, "See that's where guys and girls are different or at least that's where I see it different. I don't see every girl as a waste of time because you make memories with that person and they show you new things, even if you don't see anything long term with them. Why can't girls just enjoy the time with that person and when it's time to move on, just be glad it happened?". Well, everyone is different.. clearly. But for some time I never thought of it the way he did, until now.
As I'm gathering all my thoughts and realizing that Thanksgiving is tomorrow, I've come to terms that I'm extremely grateful and thankful for everything that's happened to me and what it's led to. I wouldn't be here having a different mind set if it wasn't for all these experiences, and even though some of them didn't turn out the way I wanted them to, I know that I'm better for it. I'm also so thankful for all my friends who have helped me go through this crazy rollercoaster with me and supported me even though I did completely lose my mind, but you all believed in me and my crazy idea and I'm so thankful for that. But mainly I'm thankful for the person I am today, I finally learned that there's beauty in the journey, not just the destination; whatever it may be. There isn't just happiness ahead; there is happiness now!
As always thank you for those who tune in and take the time to read my blog, wishing you all the best and Happy Holidays!- xoxo Gloria
No comments:
Post a Comment